Saturday, January 06, 2007


What do I wish for? What do I want 2007 to bring me? Is there something out there that I want to have in this life? Or is it just emptiness that surrounds me?
Once I wanted to become a stewardess. But I'm too old now, and I haven't been living long enough in this country to be considered. Then I wanted to become a writer. This wish is still on. One day, maybe when I'll be old and grey, I will see my name on a cover of a book.
I had a list of places in the world that I would like to visit: the great pyramids of Egypt, the Eiffel Tour in Paris, Japan, Italy ... and so on. But I haven't even taken the first step to do this: a driver's licence. It's embarrasing!
In order to be a writer, I will create an user account for a Romanian web site for women where I could eventually actually publish something. I'll let you know how it turns out. If something turns out.
At some point, I was under the impression that I want to become a mother. I'm not so sure anymore. Being tight to someone for the rest of my life? Having someone else depend on me completely for the next, I don't know, 20 years? I don't think I want that. Or not yet. And I truly don't understand why people would want that? Is that so rewarding? They say it is.
Like usual, I will leave it all to fate to decide what's best for me. And who. And how.
No more wishes. Or at least no big wishes. Just every once in a while, a little wish that can easily come true.

No best friend

Do all of you out there have a best friend? A person you can relate to in the most intimate of ways, a person that you can share everything (and I mean everything) with? Or am I just the only one who doesn't have such a friend?
I am surrounded by friends, don't get me wrong, people would describe me as friendly, but that doesn't mean that I have a person with whom I can share it all. I feel like I have to hide something from each person, that no one knows me 100%, that I have deceived them into thinking something else about me or about my life, and I cannot go back now and tell them the truth.
Where are my friends? Here in Montreal? We barely speak the same language, and we barely see each other. All my friends contact me over the phone, we don't get to see each other much, we don't get to sit together and just talk about everything. And one more thing, I feel like my friends have enough worries of their own, without my worries on top of those. Why would I burden them with my troubles and my issues, when they all have bigger and more important troubles of their own? It's not fair.
But who said that life is fair after all?
So, no best friend in the whole wide world, but myself. Or this blog. This is pathetic, to have a website as a best friend. And scary. This 21st century is going nuts, I tell you!