No best friend
Do all of you out there have a best friend? A person you can relate to in the most intimate of ways, a person that you can share everything (and I mean everything) with? Or am I just the only one who doesn't have such a friend?I am surrounded by friends, don't get me wrong, people would describe me as friendly, but that doesn't mean that I have a person with whom I can share it all. I feel like I have to hide something from each person, that no one knows me 100%, that I have deceived them into thinking something else about me or about my life, and I cannot go back now and tell them the truth.
Where are my friends? Here in Montreal? We barely speak the same language, and we barely see each other. All my friends contact me over the phone, we don't get to see each other much, we don't get to sit together and just talk about everything. And one more thing, I feel like my friends have enough worries of their own, without my worries on top of those. Why would I burden them with my troubles and my issues, when they all have bigger and more important troubles of their own? It's not fair.
But who said that life is fair after all?
So, no best friend in the whole wide world, but myself. Or this blog. This is pathetic, to have a website as a best friend. And scary. This 21st century is going nuts, I tell you!
posted by Bambi @ 10:03 PM
2 Comments:
I've always liked to keep something from people I know. Nobody in this whole wide world knows me for what I truly am. Some people get to see more parts of me than others, but that's it. No one knows it all. That would be my description of a best friend. I am my own best friend.
Why do I keep stuff from people? One reason could be my shame of what I've done. I don't want them to see the weak part of me, so I lie, or at least I don't tell the truth, I just go around it, and make it prettier.
I already talked about the other reason: people have enough on their plates to be burden by my problems. So, I try to present them a happy cheerful perspective of my own life.
The reason I don't share heavy stuff with my family, for example, my two sisters, my mom, my aunt, is not to upset them in any way, not to worry them, to let them know that I can take care of myself all alone, and I don't really need a shoulder to cry on, or advices from them. Which is not always true. I do need to cry from time to time, I do need some time off from being this grown-up, I do need some relaxation and understanding in my life.
I must be my own best friend and worst enemy, all at the same time.
I had a great experience yesterday with Anny, going to a MAC make-up seminar, something to do with Barbie, but it was just a pretext. So no I have started a professional make-up kit, and I promised myself to become a grown-up in the make-up world. Not having time in the morning or at night to do my make-up and to remove it is no longer an excuse. I am a grown-up now, for crying out loud! I am 31 already, I should be wearing a little bit of make-up. I have to give up that childish look that doesn't go well with me anymore.
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