Life after Tofino
Tofino is a small town on the West Coast of Vancouver Island, in BC. A beautiful place. A quiet, by the immense ocean, friendly place. I went there this past summer (August 2012). And it changed my life. Now I am looking for my Tofino in life. I don't know if it's going to be in the actual town of Tofino, but I am still looking for that small town, by the water, calm and quiet, where I can have a vegetables garden and a dog, where I am riding my bike everywhere, where I am picking up the mail from the Post office mail box rented in my name, where I have time and space to write and knit/crochet, where I am happy to call that place home.
My plans for 2013 include looking for such a place and hoping that, along with finding it, will find myself too. And yes, I will put it out there, I am hoping to find that special someone as well.
I am working towards that. From now on, I am focusing only on the things that get me closer to that place: hand-made stuff, less possessions, re-usable materials, compost and recycle what I can, have plants in my house, all this combined with everything I have been wishing for in 2012: be healthy, drink water, run and do yoga, eat well, be balanced.
By September 2013 I will be debt free. and I will have money put aside to support my wildest dreams of maybe having my own little business to make a living of. I am thinking of everything to choose from:
- cute hand-made knitted stuff (toys, Xmas stockings, wine bottle covers, blankets, doll clothes, tea cup cozy, coffee cup holders, tea towels in the kitchen, oven mittens, kindle cover, etc.
- owing/managing a hot yoga studio (that would be a dream come true), especially with all the things that I now know from volunteering at the Moksha studio
- publishing personalized books for children with hand-made covers or animals to represents characters in the books; this is something that will resonate with my writing needs; buy the copyrights from some kids books (e.g. Winnie the Pooh or Dr. Seuss - You're off to great places, and introduce a new character in the book to make it personalized for one specific child.
- get a part-time job that would pay for my living expenses (which are getting lower and lower) - like being a virtual personal assistant (I need a good laptop and Internet connection), then do this whole creative thing on the side, for my sanity and my personal desire to be at peace with myself.
Smile and People Will Smile Back
It is such a simple thing to do, and so rewarding, that I am constantly wondering why isn’t everybody smiling on the streets.
Now I understand that people could be deep in thoughts in their heads, that their mind is occupied with quotidian issues, so I do get it when they don’t actually smile at every single person they meet on the street. In all fairness, imagine downtown Vancouver at 9 o’clock in the morning, when everybody is hurrying to start a new day’s work. I know it’s practically impossible to make eye contact with every person you see, let alone smile to each and every one of them.
Speaking of which, why do we avoid eye contact lately? Why do people of the 21st century avoid making the simplest type of human contact? Yes, we are living in a fast-paced environment where we are bombarded every second with millions of pieces of information, so we kind of tend to tune out as much as we can. Have you see the percentage of people with some form of headset on? I truly hope, for their sake, that they are listening to some relaxing music or inspirational audio book, and not to a different kind of noise to tune out the street noise. But who knows. And I digress.
Back to eye contact. If we were all to make a little effort to first make eye contact and then even smile and say “Hello!” to the people we randomly meet on the streets, the world we live in will just be a little happier. It is the same concept as recycling: we are sharing our positive demeanor in order for other people to re-use it, and then spread it on their own. Think of the ripple of opportunities: I smile and say “Hello!” to, let’s say, four people during my morning coffee walk, and then those four people do the same later on, and those do the same on their own, and so on, so by the end of the day there could be thousands of people who shared and recycled my smile and good spirits. I’m guessing here with thousands as I truly do not have the mathematical brains to understand (let alone attempt to calculate) an exponential function. But hey, at least I know its name (hopefully).
So this is my little message for you for the day: dare to make eye contact more often, force a smile and a quick “Hello!” out of you, and make someone else’s day a bit brighter. And it will eventually become routine. It’s that simple. Not to mention that smiling uses a lot less muscles of your face that frowning (I googled it, it is actually 17 vs. 43 muscles. Wow!)
So, re-use your positive energy and high spirits and spread the word (well, the smile).
Have a happy smiling day, you all!
Relationships
Whoever has been in a relationship knows that it is hard work. We all wish it weren’t, but it always is. I don’t know why, maybe two people are not supposed to be living together, maybe we are indeed lonely souls in the Universe, who are not to find the other half. Maybe not everybody is made for a relationship. Or maybe the 21st century brought along a freedom in relationships that made the swift from married for life to a series of relationships that end whenever one of the partners is not happy anymore. We give up more quickly than before, because we know that there must be someone else out there who will fulfill our needs better than our current partner.
But then, at some point, you just find someone who's right for you, and you just know that the hard work is worth it. And you consider yourself blessed and start to look forward to whatever is coming next in life, cause you know you have a life time partner to share it with.
Good luck you all in finding that special someone!
It's Christmas Time Again
And I am loving it. I just read the nicest X-mas poem ever, by Dr. Seuss, of course, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", and I got this joy in my heart, as if it were my heart that grew three sizes. I am looking at the most beautiful Christmas tree that I've ever had in my house, with twinkling blue lights and silver ornaments, and I have to say that I am looking forward to Christmas Eve, morning, and dinner. I am happy that I am here, with my little new-found family, with people that I can call friends, and with the promise of a good 2011 too!
I couldn't help myself and took a peak at my horoscope for next year, both as Pisces and as Dragon, and it all looks promising.
Happy Holidays everyone!
Going Back
They say you can never go back home, because they never forgave you for leaving in the first place.
What if you want to go back somewhere else? Does that count? Will friends forgive you?
Does going back mean giving up? I can't make this decision alone, as he can't make it alone either. We are in this together, no matter how hard and complicated things are. Life is hard. And complicated. It hasn't even been two months, and he's giving up. I am a selfish cold-hearted b**ch. I can never predict the future, my future in particular. I can never tell what will happen, I can't even phantom the events that are about to unfold in front of me, until it is too late. Einstein said that stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Maybe I am stupid. Not maybe, definitely. Something was yelling in my head last night "SHUT UP!!!" but I wouldn't listen. I thought this time would be different. Naive. I am about to lose everything.
And I have nowhere to go back to. I have burned all my bridges. Dust in the wind. All I am is dust in the wind, nothing more.
I feel like this is important
Therefore I should write about it for posterity. You never know, but in 35 years, when I'm old and happy (hopefully), I would want to remember this feeling of owning a condo for the very first time in my life. If it wasn't for the darn cold I have, I would probably be out there celebrating somehow, and not under 2 blankets in my old rented place with a cup of tea in my hands.
But yes, I can tell this is important. And it's big. And I didn't understand half the papers I had to sign at the notary today. And I didn't even have to go to the bank or anything, everything was done between the notary and the bank. Even better. I guess I truly have no idea of what's going on. But luckily I live in a country that "works". Out of inertia, I guess, but whatever, it works, right? That's all that matters.
So, here it is, big world out there, this little one has just become an owner. And she's moving in 2 days, and she will survive this cold and this week from hell, and come out of it stronger. As always.
It's been a long time
Today I realized how long has it been since I haven't written anything here. Why? Probably because I don't want to share with the rest of the world what's going on in my life. Too embarrassed, perhaps. Even on the big world wide web, I am still afraid that people might not like me enough. Why? Why do I even care? I don't know, but I do.
I fear that people who might actually know me could come here and read my blog. Although, there wasn't even one comment here, ever.
So what's new in my life? Still working, thankfully, now a better (hopefully) job at the same company. Still going to school at night, just for the sake of it, or maybe just because I started something, and I am not a quitter. Still single, and more single than ever, because I want to be single just in case someone becomes available, even though he specifically told me that it'll never happen. But I'm like, "you never know, right?, never say never". Anyway.
I am moving into my own place in a couple of days and I am so looking forward to that, it's crazy. Dead tired from a week of hell at work and at school, and preparing for another one starting Monday.
I'm going to a party tomorrow night, the same close friends that are always up to a party, and now I am having a glass of champagne to get me into the mood for tomorrow. We're celebrating a good friend of ours, and she deserves the best.
Hopefully, it won't be another 5 months before I post something here. Maybe something else, more interesting, could happen, and I will HAVE to write about it.
This Past Week
Yes, I said I will write something every week, but I am not sure if I'll be able to keep my promise. I am not a busy woman, or not extremely busy. After work, I get half a day of free time, not to mention the weekends, that, from one point of view (weekend mornings) seem too short (I wish I had 3 weekend mornings), but from another point of view, there's nothing much you can do if the weather outside is not nice, and you have no one to share your weekends with.
It was free museums day in Montreal last Sunday. I went to the Biodome with some friends, but it's definitely much better to visit when there are less than 200 people in close proximity to you, trying to see and get pictures of all those poor animals in there. The same goes for any other museum. If you want culture, well, I guess the least you can do is pay a small price.
I've watched Star Trek the weekend before. The new movie that came out that same weekend. I figured, since I am in North America, and I can be among the first to see it in the world, why not take advantage of it. I was right. It was amazing, even alone at the theater, and I got no invitation from anyone to go see it again yet.
As usual, two completely different extremes in me: one rational (when I write, and when I analyze things, and when I decide to do the right thing), and the other one, the evil one, that will eventually be the doom of it (or will it?), the part that gets caught up in the moment, and forgets about everything rational and everything right, and just goes with her instincts. I shouldn't let my instincts run my life.
Ah, and one more thing: I am no longer genuinely happy (as I used to be). Now I am just putting up a happy face for fear that my friends will ask me what's wrong. The proof of it is that any little thing can get me down so easily, it's insane.
Some other stuff: I don't have a best friend anymore to share stuff with (everyone is too busy with their own lives and problems). I will never have kids (it's either too late or too much). If I'll ever be rich, I will buy myself a Maple red Volvo C30. And live in a little Chateau with a maid. And a big library / reading room.
