Friday, January 23, 2009

Writing as therapy

To me, writing is a therapy. I usually write when I am sad and I can't talk to anybody, either because no one is there, or because I think people have enough problems of their own to have to listen to mine, on top of that. I don't know what the definition of a friend is, but I would say that you have to be there for that person that you call friend in both good times and bad times. It's not a question of 'today you look depressed, I don't want to be your friend'. I am your friend for better or for worse, like marriage. I guess that's why married people have to be friends in order for their relationship to survive.
Back to writing. I used to write for somebody. I used to write letters to somebody. I used to have that friend that, even absent, I could write everything to. Not anymore. Have I grown out of it? Or I couldn't find such good friends anymore? Or maybe it's just a different stage in my life, not better, not worse, just different from the one before.
Now I write for myself. Or for nobody. Unsent letters to nobody. It's funny, I sometimes think that my daughter (and God only knows that I am not even close to considering having a baby, like ... ever) would like to read my thoughts in 50 years or so, when I'll be dead. I don't know. I guess we need the other person at the other end of our writing. We cannot write alone. Or I can't.
The most interesting part of it though is that, even if I start out feeling depressed or down or bad about something, while writing, something magical happens: my optimistic happy self comes out again, and I realize that I am making plans again, that I look forward to the future again, that I feel good about myself again, that, once again, writing has helped me surpass a bump in the road. So I'm gonna keep on writing, whether I'm happy or not, because writing is my best friend. Always has been. Why dump such a good friend, right?


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